I Hit a Car Today (And Other Great Things About Uruguay)

When visiting any new country, it's advisable to learn the customs, to fit in, not draw attention to oneself, and occasionally, to smash a car. Today, I was in Montevideo, the capital of Uruguay. Pat and Bob had some meetings, so I was left to wander the streets and learn the Uruguayan way. On my two hour walk, I encountered a few differences between the Americans of the north and the Americans of the south.

Lesson 1

What I saw: A woman pushing a parked car forward, presumably not her car, while a truck helped nudge it forward with its bumper, in order to turn a compact space into a jumbo jet parking zone.

What I learned: Uruguayan cars are not people, unlike their American counterparts. In fact, you better go cover their audio inputs, for this next bit.

Lesson put into action!: Later, Pat and I were dropping off Bob's broken computer in  Maldonado, the local town, next to the touristy Punta del Este. I was driving the rental car (it's a stick shift – which I haven't driven in awhile. Oh, and the reverse is right next to first gear, not back and to the right.) As I attempted to reverse, to put more space between me and the parked car in front, the car lurched forward instead and gave the car in front of me a little, tiny, itsy-bitsy, love wallop. Luckily, there was only a small dent in our car, and no visible damage to the other car. Actually, there was already a lot of visible damage to the other car. It was super-Uruguayan, I think it even liked being bumped a little bit. Pat, however, suggested she drive back.

Lesson 2

What I saw: Stray cats and dogs roaming the streets of Montevideo like government workers; they're everywhere, they don't do much, and occasionally they bark at you.

What I learned: Uruguayan cats and dogs are not people either, unlike Mr. Mittens and Fido Reginald III of the USA, shacking up in the dog motel.

Lesson put into action!: I refrained from putting Versache sweater-vests on them, and held off on feeding them gourmet foods, better looking than the slop I ate through college. In reality, most of the strays looked perfectly content with their surroundings, as if their instincts were more in tune. 

Bonus lesson!: In Montevideo, they have professional dog walkers, carrying up to ten or more dogs on leashes. Lesson being, even if dogs aren't strays, they still love being outside. Which is similar to people in that way... Oo, twist lesson.

Lesson 3

What I saw: My skin turn red.

What I learned: The sun is hot.

Lesson put into action!: Wait, let me explain.

Still learning: The sun is hot! Especially, in the southern hemisphere. I rarely burn in the sun, even without sunscreen. I have some weird disease where I look beach-ready all the time. It's a curse. Normally, I slowly roast to a golden brown; good enough for the thanksgiving centerpiece. However, my first day, I went two hours in the sun and came back with skin like a naughty boy's freshly smacked behind. Over the next two days, I put on sunscreen in the morning, yet continued to darken. At this rate, I'll be able to sneak into Namibia by January. Now, when I go out, I put on sunscreen at least three times a day. I'm actually avoiding these pristine blue days left and right so I don't have to worry about looking too different from my passport photo. In which case, I may have to stay here with the strays. All I ask is a care package of Pedigree.

Summary of Lessons

A^2 + B^2 = C^2. 'A' being my Uruguayan driving score, 'B' being how many animals I can “adopt” (carry in my arms), and C equals the liters of sunscreen I'll consume in a month. The answer is in the back of the book.